Tag: bittersweet life

Presence of Absence

I went to a webinar on grief and loneliness, and the speaker used the phrase “presence of absence,” part of a quote by Edna St. Vincent Millay. It was an “aha” moment of recognition of how I was feeling, especially with the fresh grief of the death of my 19-year-old cat. This was the first…… Continue reading Presence of Absence

Intertwined Grief

Watching my 19-year-old cat decline has stirred up so much grief that is intertwined with the deaths of my parents and husband. Although she can eat, drink, use the litterbox, and get up on the couch and bed, she’s slowing down and walking like an old cat. I took her to the vet last week,…… Continue reading Intertwined Grief

Music Memories

Jennifer Mullins Photography “Feeding Frenzy,” Jimmy Buffett’s live album from 1990, was a favorite for years. Mike spent part of his life in Florida and was a big Buffett fan. Although I was familiar with some of his songs, I became a big fan after hearing the live album, which was pure fun to listen…… Continue reading Music Memories

Grief Dreams

In the dead of night, when I want nothing more than a peaceful sleep, my dreams become haunted by the images of those who have died. They are not scary apparitions but grief-driven dreams over which I have no control. Some are sad, while others bring comfort. They don’t happen every night but spill into…… Continue reading Grief Dreams

Love Lives On

Long before I heard the term continuing bonds, I was already practicing them with the people I loved who had died. The collage I made represents some of the ways I continue my connections. I have a porcelain doll on my shelf that belonged to my maternal grandmother. She died when I was in 7th…… Continue reading Love Lives On

Cooking For One

One of the hardest things to do after Mike died was to cook. I enjoyed cooking and baking for all our married life. Over time, I rarely used a cookbook, preferring to create my own recipes, often inspired by something I liked. After Mike died, my son and I ate out a lot, earning many…… Continue reading Cooking For One

Grief Whiplash

This Memorial weekend has been a whirlwind of emotions that were unexpected. I’d wake up and go to sleep sad, with moments of peace and joy in between. The whiplash between these feelings left me feeling unsettled. When I spoke to my counselor today, she said it was natural as our country remembered the men…… Continue reading Grief Whiplash

Transitions

I’ve never liked change. But, unfortunately, life is about constant change: birth, growing up, working, relationships, health, and death. The first and last are the bookmarks of life. It’s the in-between that is messy and unpredictable. I wish I could hold onto moments of joy forever, while I’d rather forget the most painful times. All…… Continue reading Transitions

Unexpected Grief

I was caught off guard this week by grief as Easter is approaching. After ten days of photographing the Phoenix Film Festival with long covid, I was exhilarated and exhausted. I’ve been a volunteer at the festival for seven years, and I’ve met the nicest people. Last year, I could only photograph the first weekend…… Continue reading Unexpected Grief

Continuing Bonds

One of the most painful things about death is the loss of the physical presence of your loved one. Gone are the phone calls, visits home, and shared memories. These connections gave you a sense of your place in the world and a feeling of being grounded. But, without these beloved people, how do you…… Continue reading Continuing Bonds