Focusing on What I Can Control: Coping Tools

The last two weeks have been stressful for me personally and in the country. I’m trying to navigate the worsening symptoms of my chronic conditions while also dealing with the results of the elections, both of which are wearing on my nervous system. Changes in the weather, sleep patterns, and visual and auditory overstimulation contribute to my chronic conditions. The stress from the election has added another level of grief to what I already live with. It’s hard when everything is out of control at once. I knew that I needed to regulate my nervous system to manage my life with some serenity. Once again, I picked up the tools I’ve used in the past that have been helpful: to feel my feelings alone and in community, be selective to media exposure, exercise, meditating, and tapping.

Feeling My Feelings With Community

One thing that I’ve learned on my grief journey is that feelings need to be felt. To deny that I was sad about the election’s results would not serve me. They are valid and need space to breathe. I just felt shocked at first, which then turned into various emotions. I found comfort in a community of people who I knew were struggling with the same feelings. Grief and community are so important; knowing that you are not alone brings its own comfort. Communicating with these people was easier than the ones who said we just need to get on with it. Sometimes, when deeply sad, the tears become lodged in a tight knot in my chest. If I can release them, I have my go-to show, the last episode of the third season of “After Life.” It always makes me cry, and I can release the emotional tension. I’m still sorting my emotions, but that release made a difference.

Selective Media Exposure

I’m even more selective of what I watch than I was before the election. My vestibular disorder and long covid make it hard to deal with overstimulation, especially visually. I consciously decided not to watch TV on election day, knowing there was nothing I could do about the outcome. I had to deal with reality when I woke up on Wednesday. Since then, I have not watched the news, stopped getting alerts from the New York Times and the Washington Post in my inbox, and even have forgone the late-night shows that I love to keep the anxiety at bay. I’ve also been limiting my social media, only Instagram and curating what is in my feed.

Exercise

When Mike died in 2012, the first thing that I bought was an exercise bike because I knew that I would need something to deal with the stress of grief. At times, I would ride for an hour. I still have the same bike and use it regularly. I’ve not been as consistent the past two weeks because I didn’t feel well. However, I’m getting back into the routine again. It makes a difference mentally and physically.

Meditation

I always rest after lunch as I tutor in the evening, and I need a mental reset to give my best to my students. Also, the chronic conditions I have create excess exhaustion. I’ve incorporated meditation, primarily yoga Nidra, that I play while lying down. It helps me to regulate my breathing and relax. Often, I fall asleep while listening, which is okay. It’s what my body needs. It always sounds funny to say to remember to breathe, but deep, conscious breathing serves to restore calm.

Tapping          

I learned about tapping in my What’s Your Grief group, “Coping Tools for Skeptics.” It wasn’t something I was familiar with, but I trusted the moderator and tried it. I found it helpful because I could release my emotions and find some peace. Unfortunately, I would forget about using tapping until I was struggling again. I decided to try it again last week, using a YouTube video by Nick Ortner, the author of The Tapping Solution. It helped to settle my nerves. At the end, he mentioned that he had an app available. I subscribed to the app and have been using it at least once a day. It has made a difference in quieting my mind and body, even for a little while.

There are so many things that I can’t control. However, I control my thoughts, actions, and how I care for myself. I hope that some of the things I’ve shared here will be helpful to you. I’d love to hear what tools you use to help you cope with difficult times.

Visit my Resouce Page for more helpful tools.