Grief Ghost: Coping With Loss and Memories

Grief Ghost

It’s living with the ghost of Christmas Past, for no more memories can be made.

Images that appear in your dreams

Or your thoughts in the middle of the night

As you lie awake, sleep evades you.

It comes unbidden when those special days draw near.

Wedding anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, death dates, and the in-between days

Memories of those special times that you shared,

That you live alone with now.

You forget that these thoughts will invade your life.

And you’ll wonder, why now?

Then, it’ll hit you.

This is how you feel every year.

The dread of the day and the longing for what cannot be.

Your heart and body will ache.

The day will come, and you’ll once again walk through it.

The buildup to the particular date is often much worse than the day.

As long as the love remains, so will the pain.

And yet, I would not change anything because the gifts it brought me have made me who I am.

Reflection

Until I experienced the most profound grief of my husband’s death, I didn’t understand why people had such a hard time years after a significant death or that grief ebbs and flows over time. David Kessler has a great quote when asked how long grief lasts. “As long as the person is dead.”

Even after twelve years, I’m still hit by waves of grief, mainly when it includes shared memories that only we had. It’s losing a piece of myself that is irreplaceable. I’ve found joy and growth over time as I explored the world independently. I’ve developed my creative side, which has helped me cope with my grief. Finding a grief community with whom I can share this part of my life and who understands without judgment of my experience has made a difference. However, grief will always be a companion to it.

For sources that I’ve found helpful, visit my Grief Resources page.