Holiday Memories

I haven’t been to my family home in Syracuse for the holidays in over twenty years because I live in Arizona, and my parents lived in New York. However, this year is different because this is the first Thanksgiving since they died. As the day creeps nearer, so do the overwhelming emotions I have kept at bay by living in the day. This happened as well when my husband died. All the memories come swirling to the surface as I come to terms with the fact that I won’t get that call on Thursday morning wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving and asking about my plans.

Growing up, Thanksgiving was always celebrated at our house with my grandparents, aunt, and cousins. I was fortunate to have my great-grandfather come for some of those years when I was young. I don’t know how my mom managed as our family grew to five kids in five years.  

We lived in a small home where you had to climb about twenty steps to get from the sidewalk to the house.  Syracuse is a hilly place! The dining room was the first room you came into.

Mom always had the table set beautifully with her fine China, silverware, crystal, and cloth napkins reserved for special occasions. There were candles on the table also. In the middle of each plate was a crystal goblet with fruit salad. My grandmother and aunt would also bring food. I think my mom made the turkey when we were young, though I can’t remember for sure.

Looking back at photos of those Thanksgiving, I’m struck by how glamorous my mom always looked. Her hair was always styled, she dressed beautifully, and she wore her trademark red lipstick. Every day until near the end of her life, she would put on her red lipstick! We were always dressed up for the occasion as well. After a filling dinner, we kids would play while the adults sat around eating dessert and drinking coffee. It amazes me now how my parents could drink coffee all day and fall asleep. However, looking back, I’m sure that’s how they managed to get through the day with mom at home raising us and dad putting in long hours at his ice company.

These magical memories make my heart ache when I remember that I was cared for and that my parents made every holiday special. I was fortunate to grow up in a home where we were loved, spent time with our relatives, and got to spend every holiday at home.  I’m grateful that my parents both lived long lives and could enjoy their time together once we were grown. This first Thanksgiving without them is painful, but, as with Mike, I know the grief will ease over time. My favorite quote is, “Grief is love.” Though my heart hurts, I’m grateful that I’ve been blessed to have been loved by my parents and my husband. They have helped to transform me into the person I am today.