Adjusting to What Is

For me, recovering from the death of a loved one is messy and painful as I transform from the person I was before the death to the person who can live with the reality of life as it is now. 

I’ve noticed that things that once brought me pleasure before my mom died are not as satisfying or take more energy than I can muster. When memories pop up on social media or from the cloud from a year or more ago, I remember how much fun those times were. I loved going to shows, hearing live music, and taking photos of bands performing. Last August, photographing the Phoenix Film Festival was utterly different from March of this year. In August, I was just dealing with the effects of chronic vestibular neuritis, which had its own trials. With grief added to the equation, I could not photograph the whole festival, something  I’ve been able to do for the past six years. 

Reading Megan’s book helps me recognize that everything I’m going through is a normal part of grief. Recovery does not mean going back to who I was before. It’s just not possible. Mike and my mom are not coming back. Instead, it’s being gentle and compassionate with myself as I navigate the sadness that I’m feeling. It’s enjoying those moments when I am at peace and accepting that things I once loved are still there, just on hold until the grief softens. 

A week after my mom died, I returned to work, which was not easy. With my wedding anniversary and family birthdays coming up, a typically more challenging time of year, I’ve decided to take a two-week vacation. I have no plans other than to give myself space to breathe and feel my feelings. Self-care is an essential part of recovery.