Friends Help You Up When You Hit the Wall

It’s invisible, so you don’t know when you will crash into it, but the wall of grief is always there. Friends who have your back help you get through these challenging times.

This past week, I was doing something I have done for the past six years, which brings me great joy: photographing the Phoenix Film Festival. The people I volunteer with are extraordinarily kind and supportive. I’ve met interesting filmmakers and seen some great indie films. The films run for ten days, with the events running over the two weekends. During a typical year, it’s a lot of work and tiring. But I also get to see films I might not otherwise see.

The first weekend was more tiring than usual. I saw the opening night film, but that was it. Since there were no events, I had planned to see some movies on Sunday, but I was too spent from the three previous evenings.

I thought I was doing okay until mid-Wednesday when I could feel myself crumbling emotionally. I was in the middle of tutoring, my paying job, when the fatigue, anxiety, and sadness engulfed me. I finished my workday before the tears began to flow. I called my friend, an excellent listener, and cried/talked with her. That allowed me to work through the emotions and figure out how to take care of myself. Then, I called the woman who runs the events to let her know that I wouldn’t be able to photograph the second weekend. She stopped me midconversation, telling me that I didn’t have to justify myself, that I had a lot on my plate, and they understood. Next, I reached out to another friend from the festival, who was also kind and supportive.

One of the things that I learned when I attended a closed hospice support group was that you often think you’re doing well when you hit a wall. Unfortunately, this is typical in grief and does not mean that you are starting from scratch. It was helpful when Mike died, and now, as I grieve my mother’s death.

This journey is exhausting in every way. Plus, I have to deal with everyday living, which presents its own challenges. Self-care and understanding my limits are vital at this stage that I’m in. I’m grateful to the people who have offered me support this week, showing me compassion and care for my mental well-being.