Finding Grief Validation with Megan Devine

Grief is a complex part of life that we will all experience throughout our lives. I had experienced it with the deaths of my grandparents, relatives, and acquaintances. But it was only when my husband died that I fully understood the devastation of grief. 

It also opened my eyes to the times that I thought I was saying the right words of comfort to those who were grieving. It was only with my experience with how people responded to Mike’s death and what they said or didn’t say that I learned how to show up for someone experiencing grief.

I’m a person who turns to books, searching for people who have dealt with similar experiences. It helped me so much after Mike’s death because it gave me hope that I could walk through this pain. I wasn’t looking for a cure but companionship for the journey. Unfortunately, I’m still hit with waves of grief after ten years. Because I loved Mike, he will always be a part of me.

Several months before my mom died, I came across It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine. I began listening to the audiobook and connected to what she had to say.

After my mom died, I bought the book to have a hard copy. This is the best book that I’ve read to date on grief. Megan writes from her personal experience of the sudden death of her partner and an experienced counselor. She advocates for grieving people and delves into our society that does not know how to deal with grief.

One of the things that I love about Megan’s book is that I can pick it up and start anywhere, depending on what emotions I’m dealing with. When the book arrived, I had just finished writing a blog about how physical grief was. The first thing that caught my attention when I looked at the table of contents was chapter 9, What Happened to My Mind? Dealing with Grief’s Physical Side Effects. I dived into the chapter, and it was an affirmation of everything that I was experiencing. When you’re grieving, you can feel crazy with all of the physical and emotional symptoms that are swirling around. I felt validated as I read It’s OK That You’re Not OK, knowing that I was normal.

I’ve since begun following Megan’s social media, @refugeingrief. Every time I read a post that starts with “Did you know…is #perfectlynormal in grief.” I began to feel empowered. I know I’m not alone and that grief is a normal part of loving someone who has died. 

I also recommend Megan’s podcast, “Here After with Megan Devine.” I love how she begins each podcast with, “Hi friends.” Those words are comforting. Every author that I connect with who has had a spouse/partner die, I think of as a friend, even if I never meet them. It’s that shared experience that draws us together. The other nice thing about the podcast is that she gives you assignments and wants you to call in with questions about situations that you are dealing with in your life. It’s a relief to have a place to turn to where you feel understood.

Grief is painful and challenging, but finding an advocate who is a source of strength to walk the path with eases the journey.