Christmas Changes Through the Years

Christmas is a continually revolving season of feelings, depending on where we are on our journey.        

I remember the magical feeling as a child of being at the top of our stairs, waiting to open our presents. Since the tree was at the bottom of the stairs, my parents put up a sheet to keep us from seeing what was under the tree. My cousins and grandparents would come over later in the day for Christmas dinner. Our house was not big but was the gathering spot for holiday meals. I was in eighth grade when we moved to a bigger house. Though we still celebrated, the magic of Christmas lost some of its glow with age. 

Marriage and having my own children brought a renewed spark to the season. We formed our own traditions, splitting Christmas Eve and dinner between the two families. Mike and I lived in Canton, NY, when the girls were born. We tried to drive to Syracuse that first Christmas but had to turn around because of a blizzard. After that, we would have both families come to our house before Christmas and then celebrate as a family on the holiday. We would have our big meal on Christmas Eve, and the kids could open one present. I would make homemade cinnamon rolls to have on Christmas morning. Once the kids were old enough, we would have them wait upstairs, just as I once had, and then call them down to open presents.

There were always movies that were part of the holiday. Mike was a huge Christmas fan and would read A Christmas Carol every year. The first film we saw when we were dating was A Christmas Story, which became an annual treat. A Charlie Brown Christmas, which came out when I was 4, was also a family favorite. Unlike some films that lose their charm over time, Charlie Brown, in its simplicity, always holds up.

Christmas changed after Mike died. It was hard to go into stores and hear, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year” when your heart is broken. I tried to focus on what I needed to get and leave quickly. My son liked decorating the house, so he took care of that with my help. We went to PF Changs for Christmas Eve dinner, the first time I’d been out to eat on this day, but the thought of carrying on, as usual, was unthinkable. This became our tradition for the next 5 years. Now, I spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinners at my friends’ houses.

In the last two years, I’ve simplified even more. I have a rosemary bush shaped like a tree and a Christmas cactus. It’s great going to other people’s houses and enjoying their decorations and still like the simplicity of my home. 

Time and experience have taught me to celebrate in the way that works for me. Each season of my life will look different because I’m not the same person. It’s finding the joy where I am that makes the difference. I hope you all celebrate this season in the way that works best for you.

Merry Christmas!