Thanksgiving Over Time

My Thanksgivings have changed in the last 9 ½ years since Mike died. In the beginning, holiday takeout meals have transformed into spending time with my “adopted family.” The pain of the holidays has become softer over the years.

Like every life event since Mike died, the first Thanksgiving was painful and a reminder of what was missing in my life. I had yet to put much energy into cooking, and the thought of creating a Thanksgiving dinner held no appeal. My son and one daughter were going to be home for dinner. I told them I’d pick up what they wanted from a restaurant. Dinner consisted of  Marie Callendar’s and Panda Express. This was what we did for the next couple of years.

It was a disaster when I finally tried to make a Thanksgiving meal from Costco. I didn’t read the directions correctly. The turkey breast wasn’t cooking, and the stuffing was overcooked. Usually, I’m a good cook and can create my own recipes. Grief at the holidays interfered with my brain’s ability to do simple tasks. After that, we ordered a Thanksgiving meal prepared by a restaurant, the easiest solution.

My friend Cathy, who helped me on the day of Mike’s death and had the reception at her home for his remembrance, invited us to her house to be a part of their family Thanksgiving. This was one of the most generous gifts of friendship! I was enfolded with love and warmth by her family. Finally, I could look forward to the holiday.

My biggest takeaway from dealing with the holidays after death is that they don’t have to look the same as they used to. Whatever works best for you is the way you observe it. What’s most important is honoring where you’re on your journey.