Meditation

Grief took my breath away. My overwhelming emotions made it hard to get a deep breath. This, in turn, increased my anxiety, which soon became a constant companion. A few months after Mike died, I ended up in the ER, sure I’d had a heart attack. My tests showed a healthy heart, just emotionally broken.

I had done meditation before Mike died, but never regularly. Breathing exercises had gotten me through my second delivery as my doctor did not believe in giving pain medicine. I’d also done yoga and found that to be calming. 

I started listening to meditation recordings again to help with my grief. They were helpful, but my mind had difficulty settling down.

In 2015, I subscribed to Headspace after hearing Andy Puddicombe on NPR. I liked what he had to say about meditation and figured I’d try it for a year. Although it was recommended to sit while meditating, I always lie on my bed. The first 30 days taught about meditation as he led you through the meditation. Once completed, I could pick which pack appealed to me. One of the things that I found helpful was it’s okay to think. That’s what brains do. It was learning to let the thoughts go and return the focus to breathe. What was great about Headspace is that it continued to increase the types of meditation available.

Another meditative practice I tried was Qigong, which combined focused breathing and movement. I connected with the practice done by Mimi Kuo-Deemer, a teacher I found on YouTube. She has both short and long practices. I found that they helped create a sense of calm and relaxation.

In July 2020, I did a Zoom class of Yoga Nidra, a present from my friend Nancy. The course was done by Integrative Relaxation’s teacher, Shannon. We’d talk for a bit at the beginning before taking Shavasana (corpse pose) in our homes. Each week, we’d do a different meditation. After the last class, Shannon sent you an audio recording of the meditation of your choice. I now use that every afternoon as a way to reset my brain. I find this practice to be both mentally and physically calming.

Learning to breathe has made a significant difference in my life, and I use it under various circumstances. Whether for a medical procedure or getting back into the present moment, it always helps me restore inner calm.