Accepting What You Cannot Change

I switched phone carriers and then got a new phone in the last few months. Both times, I lost recordings that I can’t replace. I had to learn to make peace with the things that I could not change.

My dad had called and usually left a message for me to call him. He didn’t say anything for some reason, but I could hear my mom singing in the background. She was singing her favorite song: “I love you, a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck, a hug around the neck, and I’m talking in my sleep about you.” It was the sweetest thing. I locked the message into my phone so that it wouldn’t get deleted. When I switched carriers, the message disappeared. I was so sad to lose that recording.

In November 2019, I visited my parents in North Fort Myers, Florida, for a week. I loved those visits because I got to spend time with just my parents. As one of five kids, having that time of undivided attention is nice, even as an adult. I downloaded an app to record stories of their lives. My mom’s memory isn’t as good as it once was, so she could tell some stories, but my dad had so many to share. Some I’d heard before, but many were new to me. It was a great way to get a better perspective on my dad. I would usually turn the recorder on while we were playing rummy.

I bought a new Samsung phone and was able to switch everything from my old phone. The app went to the new phone. This past week, I thought I would listen to the recording while I was doing some work. The app was there, but the recording had disappeared into the ether. Although I knew the stories, what I missed was hearing my parents’ voices.

There are some things that you just can’t get back. Instead, I try to be present in the moment so that I can enjoy what is. I call my dad every day just to say hello since we live on opposite sides of the country. Sometimes, the conversations are quick; other times, he regales me with stories. I listen to stories that I’ve heard many times without interrupting. Occasionally, my mom gets on the phone, too. She’s always loving and cheerful. My parents are in their late 80s, and I’m grateful for their love and presence in my life. So much of who I am today has been influenced by their lives and the love they gave me.