Grief Food: Oreos and Red Robin

I’ve been a baker since I was a little girl.  I always loved to do it because I could be creative with the recipes.  March 6, 2012, was the 100^th anniversary of Oreo cookies, so we picked some up.  I hadn’t had them in ages, and they were a nice treat. When I was writing this, I realized the cookie’s birthday was the week before Mike died. My two food staples over the coming months would be Oreos and Red Robin.

Breathing was a chore, never mind trying to cook and bake.  My appetite was not great, and eating something easily digestible was good enough. There was the initial food that people brought over after Mike died.  A. and I couldn’t live on this forever, so I had to figure out a dinner solution.

Before Mike’s death, I was never much of a restaurant person, but life was not the same anymore.  Red Robin became our go-to restaurant. It wasn’t far from home, and every 10^th burger was free because I was a royalty member.  We had many free burgers.  I would often drift off into space; thoughts of Mike and the pain of his absence would play in my head.  A. pulled me back into the present.  As time went on, we would sometimes pick up food for dinner, or I’d make something easy.

This would have been an excellent time to have bought stock in Nabisco because I bought a lifetime supply of Oreos in those first six months.  Every time I went to the store, I would buy at least one package or a Costco size one when I was there.  A. would ask me not to buy them, but I couldn’t stop.  It was one more thread that kept me connected to Mike, and I wasn’t ready to cut it yet.  I didn’t even find much joy in eating them. As the first Christmas came, I began to bake my once-a-year cookies at my kids’ request.  They are a tradition in our family.  As I began to bake again, I let go of the need for Oreo cookies.  They had served their purpose, and I lost my taste for them.

I still occasionally enjoy Red Robin and will have an Oreo, but I no longer need to fill the hole left by Mike’s death with them.  I found that the best path to take in the early stages of grief is whatever makes your life easier and doesn’t cause harm worked best.