Kindness Matters

Every act of kindness after Mike died, especially in the early days, made all the difference in my ability to cope with the immense loss and pain.

We often think that these acts have to be big, but the small, quiet ones could bring me to tears.

My parents flew across the country and arrived on the same day that Mike died to support us.  My dad is a doer and great with business matters.  He was such a help with dealing with the funeral home, paperwork, and housework.  He cleaned and organized my garage, something that I could never get around to doing.

My friend Nancy being available whenever I needed to talk was always a comfort.  Even though we lived 2500 miles apart, it always felt like she was just around the corner. We had been friends since I lived in New York and knew Mike.  One thing that happens after a person dies is that no one wants to talk about them because they don’t want to make you sad.  The reality is you are already heartbroken.  When Nancy would talk about Mike, she was keeping his memory alive.

Besides helping me on the day Mike died, Cathy also hosted a reception at her house so people could pay their respects.  It was comforting to know that she was willing to open her home to Mike and my friends and colleagues.  Cathy was such a generous hostess, especially at such a difficult time like that.  Her whole family has opened their hearts to me and treat me like family.

Acts of kindness by people that I knew and strangers would often leave me in tears because they had made a conscious choice to be kind.  The banker who would take the extra time to help with financial matters, the manager at the hospital who wrote off the balance of Mike’s medical bill from the year before, the kids’ friends who stopped over and bringing food and comfort, and people who were willing to spend time with me.

I try to pay it forward in the way I live my life and how I treat people.  You never know what someone is going through or the pain they are carrying with them.  It is so much easier to be kind, and I feel so much better as well.