Write Everything Down

There are so many hard things about death: telling my kids that their dad was dead was the worst.  As a parent,  you always want to protect them, but there are things that you have no control over.  Life kept marching on as we were all thrown into this new world that none of us wanted.  I don’t know what I would have done without the support of my friends and parents.

My friend Cathy came over once she heard the news of Mike’s death and was such a big help.  I didn’t know where to start. I had to make decisions immediately because death is demanding, and it doesn’t care that you don’t have the strength to deal with it.  Mike and I had made a will after B and S were born, a saving grace.  Without that document, I wouldn’t have been able to take care of so many things.

The first thing Cathy told me to do was write everything down.  I pulled out a legal pad, and we got started.  She’s a great organizer.  We started with the funeral home and worked our way through the things that needed immediate attention.  I would write down who I talked to, the date, and what they said. “You think you’ll remember, but you won’t,” Cathy told me.  She was right.  Grief wipes out thoughts the minute they enter your brain.  We made many calls that day, taking breaks when someone would come over to see me. 

That became the working list I would use for the next few weeks.  I could go back to it to refresh my mind about who I had spoken to and what they said.  I also created a file box to keep all the documents that I needed: will, life insurance, death certificates, and funeral home information, to name a few.  I still have the container that I call the death box nine years later. I keep it in the back of my closet just in case I need anything in it.

If a trusted friend or family member offers to help you with this task, let them.  They are more objective and have the clarity to deal with the really important details.